I posted this up at my Facebook just now.  Thought I would share it here.  Been struggling with old sins lately and hating that I fall.  And yet I know that God forgives me and pushes me forward --- because the righteousness I have is not based on what I do, but rather simply on resting on the finished work of Christ who did everything I could not.

Here's what I posted at Facebook:

When does the struggle not to sin cease?  Only when death releases us from this body.

Paul shows us here that the struggle is common to all men.  Even when we find delight in God's law, we still see the sinful nature working to subvert the good we know.  For some, the battle leads to depression as they would try to conceive of Christianity as something that would "Free them" from their sinful impulses.  The history of the church is littered with the wreckage of movements claiming to have found some form of freedom FROM SIN that they claim means they would never sin again after conversion.  They've been called "Holiness movements" or "piety movements" or more presently "Let go, Let God" mysticism.  These always end in frustration for the individual ---- because none of us is free from the taint of sin.

I did a post last year wherein I looked at what "Holiness" was not.  (Link here)  The conclusion there was that only God can call something, someone or some place "Holy".... and in Christ he's done just that.  We are "Holy sinners"  Not at all meaning we can freely sin, but that we comprehend the gravity of our sin, and grieve deeply over it.

Going back a paragraph --- many folk in the history of the church wanted freedom from the pressure of sin and the guilt that followed after.  What they conceived of in Christianity was some way to escape the "sins common to all men" (1 Corinthians 10:13).  Yet look to the conclusion of this passage of Romans.

This passage doesn't paint a picture of us never sinning --- instead it shows the true grace of God in calling us righteous.... when we don't deserve it.  It is not a righteousness we earn --- look back to the passage I used on Facebook.

Let me put this clearly and tie it all up.  Read 1 John with me for a moment.

Ok, God is pure, holy, and righteous.  Jesus blood cleanses us from ALL sin.  Look deeper.

God is faithful --- when we confess our sins, he forgives us and through Christ purifies us.

Here is John's purpose statement.  He writes this to us so that we will not sin.  But that is not the entire verse, it is only half.  Here's the rest of that verse.

John writes that we will not sin, but he knows human nature and knows we're prone to fall, fail and then to beat ourselves up for those failures.  He encourages us.  Our sins are forgiven.  Jesus stands as our defending attorney in Heaven.

And that same Jesus that said those words to Peter then, says them to us today. 

Righteousness has nothing to do with how I act --- it has everything to do with what Jesus did.  My own righteousness is nothing more than dirty, filthy disgusting used tampons....  (That is a literal rendering of the Hebrew terms in Isaiah 64:6)  and useless in making me "holy" or "righteous" or "pure".

Lord, help us all see how utterly depraved we are.  Help us to see that in us no good thing grows.  And help us, all of us, Lord, to turn to Jesus for the free gift of grace, the free gift of righteousness, the true gift of salvation that you offer in him.

Amen.

Since Kiki is blind she is always up for an adventure.   First thing I did when we got to the Bed N Breakfast (BnB) is to grab her and take her down to the beach to listen to the waves.  I was honestly hoping she'd travel down the steps and wind up getting her feet wet.... kinda like Helen Keller asking "WHO PUT SALT IN THE WATER!?!?!?" when they first took her to the ocean.

Kiki was too smart for me... she wouldn't get low enough to have a wave wet her.

The weather when we got there was questionable.  The waves were choppy.

Here's some pictures of high and low tides...

Normally the water here is crystal clear and blue.  Because there was a Typhoon several hundred miles north of us, the water was opaque and unfavorable for snorkeling.  Bummer.

I took about 300+ pictures of just waves.  Don't wanna bore you with all of them, here's Kai as one comes to her feet.

Kai grabbed the camera only one time this trip and snapped these shots of Kiki and I.

Kiki is telling me all about the wave sounds.....

Back at the hotel, the cats were napping.  That was Kai's wrist Therapy unit in the back ground.... she's still having problems after 9 months.  Clearly Accupuncture isn't working... but she won't admit that.

Yes, the bed is ON the floor..... and it's not very comfortable.  But for $35 a night it can't be beat.

Next day we went to MaoBiTuo and took Xiao Hu, Stumpy and Kiki.

While I went up to see the rock.....

Kai stayed with the cats and got innundated by requests to take pictures.  Here's how I found her when I came back down.

She standing to the right... has a bit of grey in her hair.  We didn't bring an umbrella.... so all those you see are people crowding around our cats.  It was like this for 45 minutes straight as we tried to turn around and head back down... people just wanted to grab pictures of our cats and talk to us about them.  Too funny.

I wanted to bop this next pictured Chinese kid quite a few times for how he kept mishandling our cats... especially Kiki....  Grrrrrr.

I have long said that the Chinese, as a nation, are nothing more than spoiled brats.  This kid was total proof of it.  When you enforce a "One Child per family" standard, what else can you expect but a nation full of arrogant "give me everything I want and don't question my behavior" people?  I'm serious --- Chinese people seriously come off that way.  And you wonder why there's problems in Tibet and Taiwan... and off the coast of Viet Nam, The Phillipines and Thailand lately.

From MaoBiTuo it was off to another town for lunch.  Lunch was passable... I am not a fan of Chinese noodles, I prefer fried rice.  Kai's the reverse, hates rice loves noodles.  In any case, we travelled all through town to find this shop... and later came back to find another shop for dinner.  Didn't get pictures of that place though, sadly.

I kinda wish I had waited on lunch, though.... I am dieing to know how pizza off the back of a truck tastes like.... Especially "American" style pizza.  (I've blogged about how Taiwanese destroy American Pizza before.  Here's the link.)

That's two DIFFERENT pizza makers & trucks by the way.

If you think that is weird.... here's an entire bar on the back of a truck.  They ever get this running in America and it'll give a whole new meaning to "Road-side service".  The Orange caution cones are actually keeping cars away from where the tables have been set.  This whole set up was blocking 3 parking spaces.

I finally found Hotel California.... it's a surf shop, of course....

No stop in Ken-Ting is complete without some of the best Ice Cream in Taiwan.  The Pelican serves a delicious Sorbet.

And of course everywhere we went crowds gathered around our cats....

At the end of the trip I did get to see one extra cool thing that I've not seen in years.....

That's a walking stick if you can't guess it.  This baby was right outside our BnB door.

Of course Xiao Hu only has one thing on his mind during these trips.....

Taiwan's formost Bird-Watcher.  I cringe to think what will happen if he ever catches one....

He will tolerate a 4 hour car trip without complaint all because he knows there's birds at the end of the trip.  He's definitely obsessed.

never go without a hitch...

Our planned time in Ken-Ting turned out super rainy.  There's a typhoon just under Japan some 600 Kilometers away (Don't ask me... I'm horrible with Kilometers to Miles conversion) so the waters were seriously choppy and dark.  Not the kind of weather for snorkling, I'm sad to say.  Maybe next year.

Not to be deterred, we changed our plans and visited local sites and places.... discovering an absolutely rockin' restaraunt in a town north of Ken-Ting.  It seemed to be a seriously hip spot for foreigners... when we walked through the door there was girls from Alabama, Connecticut and Oregon and a couple on vacation from California.... who were full time teachers of English in Korea.  The 5 of us had an interesting time discussing Taiwan.  The girls from Alabama and Connecticut were both Marine Biologists in Taiwan for 3 months to study at the Marina near Ken-Ting and.... the girl from Oregon.... wow.... she is a scientist studying Earthquakes who only just arrived at the end of June.  Her and I started chatting about seismic activity and I pulled up my blog to show what information I had already logged from here in Taiwan.

Talk about a totally fun evening.

The food at this particular restaraunt was Mexican / American / Italian and not all that bad.  Kai had a simple Quesadia and Vanilla Milk Shake and I had a grilled chicken & mushroom sandwich with a Vanilla Coke.  For $15 it was a great meal

But I'm saving the best for last....

Earlier that day we went to visit MaoBiTuo.   Humorously, we saw signs for it as "MauBiTo", "MaoBiTwo" & "MoBiTo" along the way.... guess they weren't paying attention much when the English was translated.  Mao = Cat  Bi = Nose and Tuo = Head.  Or Cat's Nose Head rock.  It only cost us $1.30 to enter the park and when we pulled the cats out of the car to come ride along with us.... all the visitors suddenly forgot they were coming to see a rock.

Kai and I were stuck in the same spot.... I am not kidding or making this up... for nearly 45 minutes as HORDES of Taiwanese and Chinese (there's a huge difference folks... Taiwan is NOT a part of China) tourists flocked around us to see Xiao Hu (who is totally scared of people I must add), Stumpy (Taiwanese Name Ah-Yong, but I can't pronounce it so we call him Stumpy in English) and the star of the day --- Kiki, the adorable.

I kid you not, 45 minutes stuck in the same spot because hordes of folks were pressing in to see our cats.

I have the pictures, I will post them when I am able.  I'm on Kai's Father's computer.... it's running Windows 95, seriously.  Uploading pictures from an HDSD card is out of the question.  We do have a 3 year old Net-book my sister sent me last year... but sadly it's being fussy about connecting at the moment.  Grrrr.

Soooo, in any case....  We visited Ken-Ting, took in the Night Market there.  Got our favorite ice cream (place called "The Pelican" serves a mean sorbet!!!), shopped for new sandels (didn't find any) and generally had a blast despite all the rain.

Oh.... speaking of that... it started at 3 AM the first night we were there.... and did not stop until 2 PM the next day.  Broke long enough for MaoBiTuo, but then came back just as we were leaving.  Continued for the next 3 hours, broke long enough for dinner... and then picked right back up again throughout the rest of the second night.  Even rained heavily on our trip home.   The rainfall was ... immense.  You would have thought the Typhoon hit Taiwan instead of heading off to China.  Hmmmm.

At least our hotel room, though super sparse in luxuries, was dirt cheap.  We paid $35 a night for the room where everywhere else nearby wanted $65-90. 

Amen for God's grace in keeping us within our budget.

Kai and I usually take a week or three during the summer to head down south to Tainan where her parents live, and from there head further south to Ken-Ting where we cross over to the east coast of Taiwan and head up the beautiful coastal highway from there.  We've made a few friends along this route, and almost always try to stop and visit them as we travel.

Today we are in Tainan.  For the next 2 days we'll be in Ken-Ting at a hole-in-the-wall BnB (Bed & Breakfast) that we actually enjoy.  It's right on the China sea, almost literally, and this year we plan on snorkling.... my first time ever to do so.  Kai's youngest older sister's husband (isn't that a mouthful) is a huge photography buff, so they loaned us one of their underwater cameras for the adventure.  Expect some interesting pictures to come.

After those two days we're back in Tainan (Yea... going backwards) to visit the family for 5 days.  Kai's parents are in Korea at the moment, they'll be back when we get back here.  From there it's back down to Ken-Ting and then up to the Bunun Aboriginal Tribe reservation for an incredible resort stay in the mountains.  I've stayed there 3 times now... every time is breathtaking.

From this it's up to visit our friends in Gong-Qian and my taking part in a harvest festival.  I've been looking forward to this all year.  There's a church family in this town who's become quite dear to our hearts --- I've blogged about them twice in the past.  This is in Hualian county, so we'll also stop in on Hualian city where the food is...... amazing, delicious, incredible, worth-waiting-2-hours-in-line for.   That last part is no joke.... there's a Night Market Bar-B-Que that is so famous the wait is literally 2 hours long.   And it's the best BBQ in all of Taiwan, I'll gauruntee it.

From 2 days in Gong-Qian we head up the costal highway to end up at a friends spare house in Jiao-Si.  This town is famous for hot-springs, but Kai and I have discovered a few restraunts here that are worth going back to. 

That is my next 10 days plotted out.  If you don't hear from me... you'll understand why.  I probably got buried under the harvested corn and vegitables accidently in Gong-Qian.

Pictures will follow.... as I am able.

Oh, and I forgot..... we have all 4 cats traveling with us.  Talk about a fun way to travel.  ROFL.

Sunday of this week found me making my 180 day Visa Run.  For those of you out there who don't live in foreign countries, what this means is every 6 months (PRECISELY 180 days...) I have to leave the country, even if only for a few hours.  Until I have my Taiwan equivalent of the green card --- this is my life.  Forced trips to nowhere, with no real purpose, accomplishing nothing.  Welcome to Bureaucracy.

Generally I use these trips to study up on Chinese.  I bring a few books with me, my Ipod, very little money, and I make do.  Often I will buy something for my wife from the Hong Kong Airport --- though I usually don't like doing this.  Her birthday falls near my Summer Visa Run and our wedding Anniversary falls during my Winter Visa Run.  As we all know, though, airports are not in touch with reality and the cost of a sandwich can be $12 where anywhere else in the real world it's only $4.

This time, though, God had different plans.  Due to circumstances beyond my control, I required a seat next to the bathroom.  Required.  My stomach had been cramping all night, I'd very little (1 hour) sleep, and I wasn't sure if I was or wasn't gonna die on this trip.  I asked for an Aisle seat, next to the bathroom, I got the emergency Exit seat ---- and another American to sit with.

I never asked for her name, not once in all 3 hours of our conversation.  She was an American living in Taiwan, only been here a year, hated the language, was frustrated by her Taiwanese boy friend, was depressed over life and really just wanted a non-foreign conversation for once --- and circumstance (or providence) plopped her down next to me.

She told me early on that she wanted happiness but that it seemed so elusive.  She'd tried relationships, business, religion, travel and even prescription drugs --- and nothing gave her what she wanted.  At that moment she was on anti-depressants, sleep-aids, and various other medications.  (She told me this information nearly at the end of our conversation, right after she asked me the questions far below.)

During the middle portion of our conversation it became known that I was a Christian.  I didn't set out to name drop the King of Kings, like Jesus was my best bud and I had to say His name in every other sentence.  We just started talking about why we were in Taiwan --- and there's no getting around saying "Well, God showed me that His plan was for me to be in Taiwan, and He confirmed it by paying off an incredible debt-load in order that I might get here."

Upon learning that I was a Christian, she told me that she loved the Bible, studied it at least an hour every day.  She told me that she loved God, she felt him to be the center of her life.  She told me that she loved Jesus, that she found his life was an inspiration.  She even felt that her relationships needed a spiritual foundation, if they were to remain healthy. 

She then proceeded to tell me that she hated Christianity, she believed that Jesus and "The Christ" were two separate entities.... that "The Christ" came upon the mortal man Jesus and that it was an example of something we all could attain to, and lastly that she believed that enough of us did good ---- if we collectively got together and simply did good deeds unto all men ---- then God would act in our favor collectively.  In other words, If mankind would simply act nicer to each other, God would actually heal us collectively and bring us into His Kingdom. 

I told her that as to the first part --- the positive things she listed out --- any cultist would agree with her.  They too would say that they loved the Bible, studied it, loved God and felt him to be the center of their lives and that they even loved Jesus... and found him to be an inspiration.  They would even agree that to have a healthy relationship, one must have a spiritual foundation.  A Mormon would have no problem agreeing with her in all of those points.

But obviously those things aren't enough.  Like the Rich Young Ruler of Luke's gospel, she felt she still lacked that "one thing" which would put all the puzzle pieces in proper perspective.  I told her that being religious --- Like a Mormon or a Jehovah's Witness --- did not get any man one inch closer to God.

During our three hour conversation, she constantly tried to turn any passage of Scripture I turned to into some mystical metaphor.  Thus Jesus wasn't God, he was merely a man whom the Christ Power had come upon and thus was able to teach with wisdom and do things others could not ---- until / unless they could likewise obtain this "Christ power".  She believed that "Christ" could rest on any one of us... if we got close enough to God.

I countered that seeking for esoteric explanations when a plain common sense reading will do, denies God the ability to speak to all men.  I explained that what I meant was this:   If God chose to give us a message (and I do believe that he has) then it makes more sense that He would do so in a way that would be commonly understood to all men, if they simply listened to what He had said.  There's no need for metaphors and symbolic renderings when God can use plain language to make his point.

We looked at the blood sacrifice of Jesus, which she denied as being in any sense real or necessary.   I pointed out Hebrews 9:22, that without the shedding of blood, there is no sacrifice for our sins.  We spent time looking at the Jewish Sacrificial System and how it never covered the sins of those men --- because year after year they would have to make the same sacrifice.  I even showed where God specifically stated that these sacrifices were worthless before him --- EVEN THOUGH HE SET UP THE SYSTEM!!!

We looked at Jesus being God, which she denied with no real reason given as to why.   She believed in a Trinity --- God, The Holy Spirit and the Christ Power.  She just didn't buy that Jesus was God. 

I pointed out Exodus 20:3-6 (the 1st and 2nd commandments) and then pointed to passages in the New Testament where Jesus accepted worship from men (Matthew 28:17; John 9:35-38; Hebrews 1:6) and how when Cornelius attempted to worship Peter (Acts 10:25-26) he was rebuked and when John attempted to worship the Angels at the writing of the book of Revelation, he was likewise rebuked.  (Revelation 19:10, 22:8)  Conclusion: Either Jesus committed the ultimate blasphemy by accepting worship due to God ---- or he was in fact God.

I likewise pointed out that Isaiah 43:11 states conclusively that God is the only savior, there is no other.   Thus what conclusion can you draw from Jesus being constantly called "Our Savior"?  Even better, look at Paul in Titus

In these two passages both God and Jesus are spoken separately, independently as our Savior.  But look at this passage from chapter 2 ---

Paul comes right down to it in the middle --- Jesus and God are our Savior, and indeed, Jesus is God.  

At this point I grabbed one of her fingers and used my personal example which I commonly give to cultists ---  (This is a short version, a better version is found linked here)

You were created in the image of God (Genesis 1:26)

Your finger is Flesh
Your finger is Bone
Your finger is Blood

If you remove the flesh,  you have a non-functioning finger.  If you remove the bone, you have a non-functioning finger.  If you remove the blood, you have a dead finger.  You must have all three individual parts ---- working and functioning together as one whole --- in order that your body can even exist.  Just like God.  3 parts, 1 whole.  And Jesus is a part of that whole.

Well, needless to say, she wasn't willing to go that far.  In her view, Jesus could be a man --- we all could be enlightened --- we all could have good in us  (I had earlier taken her to Matthew 7:11 & John 3:19 & Romans 3:10-12 to show otherwise) and surely God could see this.  Jesus was simply an example, an enlightened one, no different than Buddha or Gandhi.

......and yet for all these beliefs ---- she was still unhappy, still lacking peace, still seeking for something more.... because she rejected the True Christ and wanted something else.

And in the end.... this is not me bragging, this is not me attempting to be funny, I am not being arrogant or conceited in saying this..... after 3 hours of conversation, she turned to me and said "Why are you so happy?  What is the difference?  What do you have that I don't?"

During the three hours ---

We had talked about my confused childhood growing up in a non-religious home.
We had talked about the various religious and anti-religious phases I had gone through.
We had talked about my two times of living homeless.... (4 months in 1994 & 9 months in 1997)
We had talked about my painful divorce, giving my children away to my ex-wife and how that affected their childhoods.  (I gave my ex-wife sole custody cause that is what she desired.  At the time it seemed best, I've regretted that decision more than any other I've made in my life.)
We had talked about the frustrations of life that came and went --- struggling under credit card debt, bosses that we had hated, working multiple jobs to pay bills.

and through it all --- I underscored every time --- God was still faithful, and I knew I could trust Him.... even when I didn't have a penny to my name!

Jesus.  The Christ, the Messiah, One and ONLY Son of God, and the Exact representation of God Himself.

I told her I had simply bowed myself before Jesus, took him at his word and received as His promise this one special gift:

 Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, “If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed.  And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”  (John 8:31-32)

Jesus didn't promise me days of golden sunshine, carefree days of bliss or even generous prosperity above measure.   Jesus simply promised that He would remove the burden of Sin and Guilt from my heart --- and grant me a freedom, a peace, that nothing in the world could ever steal away from me.

Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.  For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  (Romans 8:37-39)

This world wants what I have ---- they just don't want to humble themselves before God in order to get it.

Augustine further said --- Within us all lies a God-shaped vacuum for which nothing in this world can fill.

I thus end with words of wisdom for which time and again I have found some comfort in.  Not Biblical in this instance, but wise none-the-less.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in his wonderful face
and the things of earth will grow strangely dim
in the Light of His Glory and Grace.

Oh soul are you weary and troubled
no light in the darkness you see
There's light for a look at the Savior
and life more abundant and free....

I do not consider myself an overly happy person.  Others do, nearly everyone I have met says that I am very light-hearted and innocent in my ways --- one person summed me up as "The only adult I know who never grew up and became disheartened by all the adult pressures in life".  Everyone I meet tells me that my joy for life is downright infectious.

Yet truth be told, I see myself burdened under the weight of the world just as much as anyone else  --- only I am burdened FOR the world, not by it.  I see in myself a profound sadness, a deep and bitter sorrow, brought on by the sin I still fall to.  I know God's forgiveness, I am so humbled by it that I sometimes cry, but I likewise know that my flesh holds nothing good, that my hands are stained by sin, and that I do so often fail my Lord. 

How strange it is, that we Christians should at once be the possessors of happiness, the over comer's of this world --- and yet at the same time the fount of extreme sorrow, for we know our sin and our sinfulness (and indeed the sinfulness of the world around us)  all too well.   This world is going to hell --- if that doesn't affect your heart, if that doesn't make you cry bitter tears --- then there is honestly something wrong with your relationship with Christ.  God takes no pleasure in the death of the wicked --- why should we?  Creation groans for it's redemption --- aren't we a part of that creation?  (Romans 8:22-23)

The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few.  Pray, therefore, that the Lord of the Harvest empower His workers to bring in those whom He would save.... before the door is closed and the time too late.

Flying out to Honk Gong (yes, I know I switched the letters... it was intentional...) today for my 6-month-gotta-leave-Taiwan-for-at-least-one-hour trip.  Not thrilled about having to do this, I would rather we invest the money into getting my ARC so that we wouldn't have to waste money on these trips.... nevertheless, it's here, and I'm on my way out.

Last night I started cramping.  Kept me awake for all but one hour (I managed to sleep between 7 AM - 8 AM this morning) of the night.  Last time this happened... proved nearly fatal.  And.... was exactly 2 years ago this week.  (Linked in case you missed it back then)  Same thing.... cramping the night before the morning flight.  That time turned out to be my appendix.  Since they removed that in Macau last time, I'm guessing it's diverticulitis which can likewise prove fatal if whatevers lodged in my diverticulosis doesn't dislodge itself in the next few hours.

Pray for me on this trip that things go well, that I remain alive (Lord willing) and that whatever is causing me to cramp and lose sleep will take care of itself.  I tried only Pepto-Bismol tablets this morning... didn't work.  Figured that would be the case, but my wife wanted me to do something.... anything... so I did, if merely to give her some hope of relief. 

Not much more to say --- If the Lord decides it's time for me to go home, so be it.  I'm not scared of death, though I do worry how my wife would take my dying. 

Oh.... not to be alarmist or anything.... but there's also a Typhoon coming.... and I may be flying back into some of it.  It's heading for Taiwan, but they are expecting it to hit on Monday.  It's sunny and hot now... who knows how it will be when I return home in a few hours.

Thanks, one and all.

I rarely get angry.  My wife can attest to that.  I used to say that my dad had a hot temper and a short fuse while my mom had a long fuse and a medium temper.  I got both fuses and my mom's temper.  Luck of the draw I guess.

So it takes an awful lot to get me out right angry.  Spending 2 months dealing with Itunes over stolen money from my account (on an issue they were well aware of and had not worked to fix.... the APP stealing the money had been doing so on random accounts for well over 2 years!!!!)  anyway.... spending 2 months getting iTunes to acknowledge the problem and return my stolen money made me angry in the end.... but it paid off in results.  (A) I got my money back, (B) I resolved never to use iTunes ever again, even if it was the last MP3 source on the planet.  

For the record the APP is named "Kingdom Conquest" from the company named SEGA.  It's for the iPhone.... something I don't even own.  Here's a link to a new article about the problem and iTunes "Head-in-the-sand" approach to dealing with it.  "iTunes Hacked!  Apple ignores it."

So trying vainly for 2 straight months to get Apple to acknowledge the $150 stolen from me.... yeah, that got me angry.  That was almost 9 months ago.  I've had no reason to be angry at anything other than my own sinfulness in all that time.

Last night I got angry again.  Really angry.  Because of Windows 7.

I had sat down last night to relax and play a video game I enjoy... it was about 11:30 and I knew we had about an hour before bedtime.  Before I booted up the game though, I kicked over to Xanga.... and in the space of a heartbeat I began typing out a post entitled "What's Wrong with American Christianity, Part 6: Myopic Exclusionist Christianity"

I continued typing for nearly 4 hours.  It was finally finished, I went to hit "Save Changes" (which is a weird way to say "Publish" if you ask me....) and..... Windows picked just that second to reboot and update my OS.

4 hours of typing.... lost in a second.

You have to understand ---- we have 2 computers.  My wife's computer is online almost from morning til night.  She lives on Facebook... that's just her way.   My computer goes online.... once every 2-4 months?  I rarely find the need to actually use my computer when my wife's is already online.  Thus.... Windows almost never had opportunity to update and download patches.  It picked just that moment to do it... because I had actually been online for so long.

I was so angry it was unbelievable (well, for me any way....).  I used my anger constructively and told Windows (when it finally rebooted) that I never wanted to download another patch or update as long as I live.... This computer will rust away to little metal particles before I allow Windows to hitch another free ride.

But 4 hours lost... and the post I'd written had to be one of my best this year.  I can't reconstruct it.

My writing process is odd.  I've been writing for nearly 35 years now, maybe longer.   I've been published in magazines, Fanzines and even newspapers.  Heck, I even helped to found a Creative Writing magazine back in the 80's which at it's peak had about 200+ subscribers.  When I write... I simply sit down and pour everything from the top of my head.  No outline, no notes, not a single jotted word. 

Let that sink in for a moment.....

All that I write... all those long articles with copious Bible Verses.... all of that.... comes off the top of my head, with no notes.

That's just the way I write.... and it works.

So last night I poured out my heart on how exclusionary some people tend to be.... in bad ways.... and lost it all before I could hit "save".

For me... that means starting the whole thing again from scratch... if I dare write it again at all.

Anger is a sin.  It generally leads to other sins such as wrath, revenge, hatred.... even murder.

Being Angry, though, can be constructive if channeled and challenged to produce something positive.  Jesus got Angry over the Temple becoming a market place.  He did something about it.

So tonight I am merely here to say --- I'm cooling off for a day or two.  Hope to be back soon.

And maybe, Lord willing, I'll be able to reconstruct the post I'd already once written.

Lord Willing.

Which leads to a parting thought.

God is sovereign.  I trust that.  Everything happens with reason.

So maybe I said something that wasn't truthful in my post last night that He didn't want me to say? 

Is that one way to look at this?  Dare that infer that I ought not try again?

Spill your thoughts on this one.... what do you think?

Very shortly after 9/11 I was scheduled to sing solo at my church.  By "very shortly" I mean within 8 days.  It was not planned, at least in the sense of earthly timing, but the short time gave me time to pause and reflect on "Why?"  Why did this horrendous act have to happen? Why did so many have to die?  Why?  My choice for a song summed up my thoughts and brought a measure of healing to my church ---- years afterwards people still approached me about that song with comments about how it helped.  (I'll close with the lyrics after the main body of my post.)

My sister was scheduled to fly out to California to be married on the very next day (9/12/2001) but all flights were cancelled.  She missed her own wedding.  But the down-time allowed for me to schedule my vacation so I could be there with her.  (Court-house wedding, I was the only witness... and I count myself blessed to this day for having been there for her.)  Thousands lost their lives so what... I could be at my sister's wedding?

Why....?

When Columbine happened, I had just watched Matrix for the first time and was thinking about how violent the movie was, but how it mesmerized you with it's camera tricks into not really catching the violence but rather the cool "fly by the seat of your pants" camera shots.  People died, but we were watching Trinity walk on the wall or Neo catch a gun one handed while doing a somersault. 

At the time, my son had just been put into an institution by my Ex-wife for anger management issues --- and I thought to myself "If my son does not accept the responsibility for his actions, he will become the next Columbinesque shooter."   Glamorized violence, downplaying the gore by incredible special effects, making it all pretty and engaging, ---- but in life, real people died at the hands of two murderous children and my own son's future seemed likewise destined.

Break: In 2008 when a similar shooting occurred in DeKalb, IL, my son --- still institutionalized --- said that the shooter was someone to be idolized and that in 5 years he desired to be just like him (the shooter).  He said this in a group counseling session among his institutionalized peers. 

When I confronted him on this statement, he flatly said that he did not desire a lecture on morals or morality, that he adhered to no bible, creed or societal code other than anarchy.  My son was 18 at this time ---  9 years after Matrix, Columbine and my own predictive statements.

it's now 4 years after this.... and my son still believes in Anarchy... and wants nothing to do with me.  I can't speak all that clearly on where he is now, but I can pray that God may someday reach him.

Why did they do it?

I will never forget the Oklahoma city bombing.  I remember where I was when it happened, how the news played over and over the shocking video footage of the aftermath, and I remember the sinking gut feeling of "What if this was an American who did this" --- before Timothy McVeigh ever came to light.  We wanted it to be terrorists, then it would somehow make sense.  But when it became an American, bombing Americans on American homeland ---- rational logic failed and the question of "Why?" became even more pertinent and frustrating.

McVeigh and co-conspirators may have had their own twisted logic on why it had to be done, but for the rest of us ---- it made no sense.  

Why did God allow....?

The one question people always come to is "Why did God allow this to happen?"   When 9/11 happened a co-worker asked me angrily "If God is so sovereign, why would he allow something like this to happen?"  My co-worker was an atheist at the time --- he's since become a Christian.  In any case I told him that though God is indeed sovereign, he does not interfere against the free will choices of mankind. 

I told my co-worker that Free Will was at one and the same time the greatest blessing ever given to man, and it's greatest curse.  God will not violate man's ability to choose his own course or actions --- which means when sinful men decide to do sinful things, God will not intervene to prevent it UNLESS it serves His purpose to do so.  (King Herod set out to the baby Jesus --- God sent a warning to Joseph.  Herod still killed the babies.... but Jesus was spared for a greater purpose.)

Why? (the Biblical review)

Jesus was asked in John 9 "Why was this man born blind?"  Did his parents sin?  Did he sin?  What reason was there for his blindness?  Jesus response was unexpected:

“Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. (John 9:3)

Noone was directly to blame, it merely happened so that he would be there at the right moment for when Jesus would heal him and thus bring Glory to God in having done so.  Some might call this vindictive of God --- allowing a man to be born blind only so that he might later heal him.... why not simply give him sight in the first place?  We're right back to questions of "Why?"  (for which the biblical answer is found in Romans 9:14-22)

FOOTNOTE:  For the record, John 9 is my favorite passage of Scripture --- with good reason.  It is the only time during Jesus Earthly ministry wherein he presented himself clearly as the Jewish Messiah..... and was given the worship due him.  John 9:35-38 tells this remarkable occurrence.  I have blogged on this in the past.  (Part 1 --- Part 2 --- Part 3.)

Likewise, in Luke 13:1 some men came forward to question Jesus about the time when Herod's men desecrated the temple, mixing the blood of the priests with the blood offerings.  The underlying question here is "WHY?"

Jesus answered with a chilling directness that pointed out the flaws in questions "Why"

Jesus answered, “Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans because they suffered this way? I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish. Or those eighteen who died when the tower in Siloam fell on them—do you think they were more guilty than all the others living in Jerusalem? I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish.”  (Luke 13:2-5)

When we get stuck on questions of "Why" it's easy to not think about the implications for ourselves.  Every one of us will die... death in our sleep, murdered on our way to church, tower collapse, gun shooting at a local theater.... a million different ways.  We are never told how, we just know that it will come.  Jesus cuts through it all and succinctly states: Are you ready?  When death comes, will you have done the right thing and repented?

Death comes... are you ready?

Questions of "Why" never seem to take us very far.  The standard parental answer of "Because" really doesn't settle the child's question of "Why is the sky blue?" and neither does it do us any good when we're looking for explanations of why someone decided to open fire in a crowded theater.  "Because".... just because...

This is not quite finished yet.... follow the two epilogues and there is a succinct closure to it all.

Nidan@Revelife asked "Who is to blame..." and tried to sort through the myriad of voices being lobbied all over the internet.  Here was my response to whether he was politically, Religiously, Anti-Religiously or Right-wing motivated....

Wow.... here's a thought for you.... Holmes is actually a representative.... wait for it... of the entire human race without mercy, grace or God.  (Not blaming this on atheists, mind you, just saying it as a categorical generalism.)

When men decide that their own selves are the arbiter of what is or isn't "True" / "Truth" --- when experience becomes the ultimate rush because video games and reality TV are just no longer good enough --- (Not blaming this on video games, mind you, just saying this as a categorical generalism)  (Ditto Reality TV)  then why should we expect anything less than something like this?  We say we teach children "Morals", and yet to be bluntly honest, we (the teachers) haven't even the slightest clue on how to implement those same morals ourselves.  (Not blaming this on teachers or bad morals, mind you, just using this as a categorical generalism).   (Edited footnote: when I say we the teacher are clueless on implementing morals I mean this: Look at the divorce ratio: we know tis better to love, to forgive and to oftentimes compromise for the sake of peace --- and yet we don't.  This is but one example among hundreds.  I could just as easily use abiding by the speed limit laws --- "Obey the Law" except when it says drive 55, right?  End footnote)

Romans 8 (oh no... the Bible has entered the situation... *eye-roll*) says that natural men set their minds on what is purely sinful and have no desire to do what is right.  (I'm paraphrasing, I'll admit it.)   Which is really an echo of Solomon's earlier proverb "There is a way that seems right to a man, but the end is only destruction".

Who is really to blame here?  Why not just say that all of us are.  Any one of us has the capability of holding on to bitterness, anger, frustration, un-forgiveness or any other number of negative "dark side" emotions and letting those wash over us like welcome friends.  Any one of us.... despite whether we're liberals, conservatives, NRA, Atheists, (supposed) Christians, or whatever other label you might encounter.  We are all alike in this:

The heart (in the Bible "the heart" is a reference to man's thinking capacity and ability which leads us to action, it rarely infers his emotions: I wrote on this 2 years ago) is desperately deceitful and wicked above all things, who can really know it?  (Jeremiah 17:9)

We are all alike in that we carry in ourselves the capability of hurting others by our own insensitive natures which only seeks gratification of "Self" above all things.  We are all likewise guilty....

whoever hates his brother is a murder and we know that no murderer has eternal life in him.  (1 John 3:15)

All it takes is for hate to germinate.... everything else simply follows.

When I sang this, it was supposed to be a solo effort.  Because of the events of 9/11 I decided that my church needed to join me on the chorus.  That decision made all the difference, as people were weeping openly as they (and I) struggled to sing through this.

Be Ye Glad (Written by Michael Kelly Blanchard, originally performed by the 70's / 80's group "Glad")

In these days of confused situations
in the nights of restless remorse
when the heart and the soul of a nation
lay wounded and cold as a corpse

From the grave of the innocent Adam
comes a song bringing joy to the sad
oh your cry has been heard and the ransom
has been paid up in full, Be Ye Glad

Be Ye Glad
Oh Be Ye Glad
Every debt that you ever had
has been paid up in full by the grace of the Lord
Be Ye Glad, Be Ye Glad, Be Ye Glad.

From your dungeon a rumor is stirring
you have heard it again and again
ah, but this time the cell-keys are turning
and outside are the faces of friends

And though your body lay weary from wasting
and your eyes show the sorrow you've had
Oh the love that your heart is now tasting
has opened the gates, Be Ye Glad

Repeat Chorus

So be like lights on the rim of the water
giving hope in the storm sea of night
be a refuge amidst the slaughter
of these fugitives in their flight

For you are timeless and part of a puzzle
you are winsome and young as a lad
and there is no disease or no struggle
that can pull you from God, Be Ye Glad

Repeat Chorus

Why is never an easy question to ask, for all to often the answers don't satisfy us.  I leave with the words (and wisdom) of Keith Green

If you love the Lord
you will love His Will for you
instead of questions "Why?"
there'll be praise for all He brings you through...   (Quoted from "If you love the Lord")

The church is a collection of fallen people, bound together by the fact that we know we can't do it on our own. The church is a home for sinners whom God would call saints, broken hearts whom God would dare mend and enemies whom God would call friends. The church is not a place for political grandstanding --- Jesus is our Master, Lord, Savior, Sovereign and King.... all other would-be (Apolitical or political) messiahs fail miserably. It holds no nationality distinct, but reaches out to any that would come --- Barbarian, Scythian, Slave or free. In this world, but not of this world --- the Church encompasses all who seek to make Heaven their home... as a taste of Heaven here and now.

The Church is not perfect, it is not a place for perfect people, and it does not seek to make people perfect --- that is the Holy Spirits work as He works in the lives of each individual believer. The church is merely a place wherein those who recognize their lostness...... are found..... by God. And in contradistinction to every human inclination ---- are found perfect in his sight, not because of what we do.... but because of what Christ did on our behalf.

The Church --- is a necessary part of every believers growth, and if you think you can do without it.... then you have no place in eternity, where the Saints will be found forever in His service, praising Christ for all that He has done in bringing them into His body. (Hebrews 10:25-26) The Church is the only EARTHLY home a believer should ever feel at peace in.... as we congregate to the honor and praise and glory and service and worship and power of our Risen Savior.

Amen?

Legend: This is to help those who want to understand my color coding of Scripture, it is a separate Key apart from what I post below merely to help give understanding of why I highlight things the way I do, namely so as to bring out greater clarity from the Word of God.  Here's the Key:

• Any shade of BLUE = Judgment of God on or over sin.
  
• Any shade of GREEN = grace, forgiveness, salvation, redemption.
• Any shade of RED =  sin, lawlessness, transgression, evil
• Any shade of ORANGE = the Character or Nature of God --- Who God is.
• Any shade of PURPLE = commands to obey, passages that speak with authority on how a Christian should live.
• White on Black is merely there for emphasis.  Kind of zeroing in on the key part of a passage.

Please likewise note, this only applies to Scripture passages.  What I write of my own is merely off-colored to give greater emphasis to certain thoughts.  Sometimes this highlighting does follow my themes.... just as often it doesn't.

We love labels, we have them for just about everything.  Best, Favorite, Greatest, Most _______ *(Place noun here)*, Worst, ugliest, .... you name it, we have a list for it, some where.  Labels are the modern equivalent to saying "I've got it all figured out."

We even have personal concepts of what the worst of sins must be.  Ask most modern age Christians and you will probably hear abortion or homosexuality topping their lists.  Ask any 16th Century Christian and you'd probably have heard "being Catholic" or "being Protestant" (depending on your particular bent) topping the list.

But when all the dross is burned away, and all the excess impurities filtered, you'll find that the greatest of sins, the worst sin if you will, isn't what you probably think it is.  In fact, it is probably something you've given very little thought to altogether.  It may just catch you off-guard.

There is a sin spoken of in absolute terms in Scripture.  All sins are equal in that they are all an offense to God.  But there is one sin spoken of which comes with a compelling damnation that bears extra caution upon us.  In fact, we're told, that to commit this sin risks utter separation from God.

Sooooo..... what am I talking about?  What sin is the worst sin?  And how do I justify myself in saying "This is so" in such absolute terms and conditions?

Well, to answer the last question first, because of Jesus own words on the subject.  What Jesus had to say on this matter leaves no question or doubt on His utter disdain for this particular sin.  Likewise, Jesus gives us an absolute picture --- commit this sin, and God will write you off equally.

Now lets look at some verses.

Before I spell things out, let me give you just a few more verses for comparison....  Consider each of these corporately.

Now you might have never thought about all these verses combined.  Never considered them side by side.  But once you do, the conclusion is powerful.  Forgiveness is not an option, it's a commandment.  If you want God to forgive you --- you must --- YOU MUST --- forgive others.  You cannot model the love of God, if you fail to express the forgiveness of God.  Indeed the two are inseparably intertwined in the final passage I have been holding back til just now.

The forgiveness of God is merely an extension of the Love of God --- Grace and Mercy, intermixed to pardon where judgment is due.  That is the core essence of Christianity, the one thing that sets Christianity apart from the myriads of cults and world religious systems that would tell us that we must somehow work to earn our forgiveness.... pay off our bad deeds by doing good deeds to counter them. 

God forgives.  He forgives because he loved us.  You could reverse that and it would say the same thing.  God loves us.  Because He loves us, he forgives us.  Here's the one verse that succinctly says all that.

In one of my earliest Bibles (as a Christian), I took the time to write out the dictionary definition for about 40 important words / terms.  I did that because I wanted absolute clarity of thought on those particular concepts.  I did not want to go by my own "FEELINGS" but on cold hard fact.  One of those terms was "Forgive".  Here's the dictionary definition as I wrote it out 20 years ago.

When you put forgiveness in those terms, when you understand that this is EXACTLY what God has done for each and everyone one of us who come to him by faith --- you begin to see why "Unforgiveness" is such a heinous sin (The link is to Dictionary.com), the worst of all sins, and why Jesus tells us that if we fail to forgive others for things that they do against us --- God has no obligation to forgive us, in fact, He won't.

He won't forgive us.  (Matthew 6:14-15)

All our sins will stand as they are.

In fact, all those sins we once thought cleared and covered.... aren't.  (Matthew 18:32-34)

Because....

Unforgiveness is the worst of all sins. 

You can't expect God to forgive you --- if you won't forgive others.

Is it any wonder then, that the very verse that follows the Ephesians 4:30-32 passage above is this one?

We cannot call ourselves "dearly loved children" if we do not seek to follow in the steps of our Father.  He forgave us --- we must, no excuses accepted, we must --- forgive others.  Regardless of how badly someone might have hurt you, abused you, caused you frustration, anger or embarrassment.  We forgive, because God forgave us.  To not do so.... is the worst sin.